“A Caring Man” - The Original Version
I knew he was having affairs on the side. But I hardly thought he would prove so very degenerate, humiliating me into the bargain. You know how it is. You are holding down a full-time job just to make ends meet in these hard, difficult times. So you cannot do the household chores alone. And when you have two little girls into the bargain, housekeeping and mothering become quite a nightmare. So naturally you need help. And your help had better be a girl because then she becomes a friend to your little ones. Dani never did take an interest in these domestic details. He always thought and said it was
entirely my responsibility. And I agreed with him. That was how Ayo came to live with
us.
Ayo was a skinny, spindly-legged girl just approaching puberty when she came to us. I took one look at her and decided there and then that before she could say one word to me, I’d have to give her a thorough bath. Which I did. And after I gave her some of my old clothes, she looked more presentable. She was not useful to me at first. But I believed I could train her. She did respond to training. And before very long she became indispensable to me and the household.
Dani and I were getting on. At fifty, there were strands of grey in my hair as in his. At that age, a woman is perhaps not so attractive to most men. But a husband, well, you would suppose there are things to think back on, memories of twenty-six years of marriage and companionship. I never did worry about the affairs he had on the side. I did not consider myself cheated. I set it down to the warmth of the African male about which no amount of nagging and tears will ever be able to do much. Besides if he was going to be like his father who married eight wives and had well over three dozen children… I had only myself to blame for marrying him. So he had his fun and I had my marriage. And that was that.
Problems actually began when I heard that he had had a baby by some woman. I took it badly; any wife would. But I’d have gotten over it by adopting the child, rearing him with my natural children as a part of one happy or not-so-happy family. My friend Toun did so. And it worked. But Dani’s mother didn’t give me a chance. She was happy as a bee at my discomfiture and went out of her way to rub salt into the wound her son had inflicted on my. I never did get on well with my mother-in-law, you see. She was secure in the love of her son. I was not. And I’ve always hated any hint of rivalry. Now with his new baby and her obvious delight, we were perpetually at daggers drawn. And my anger at Dani was duly compounded.
I was not about to leave him – I’m not one for a divorce – and I had to take the children into account. But he had to know that I was not exactly ecstatic, to put it mildly.
It helped a lot that I was often away at wok some nights in the month. It meant that I did not have to see him very often. And I could work out my unhappiness alone. He did a lot to make up to me – he was always a caring man – but I did not encourage him.
I’m afraid Ayo and the children saw a lot of our rows. Because they were noisy, robust affairs, full of blows, scratches, broken chairs, broken crockery, flying cutlery and fulsome tears. I gave Dani so quarter. I wanted him to feel remorse and to be on his best behaviour at least for some of the time.
He was. As a I was soon to find out. One rare Sunday morning after breakfast, Dani and I sat in the lunge listening to classical music as was our habit when a knock came at the door.
‘Who is that?’ I asked.
‘Mama Ayo,’ a voice answered.
To my surprise, Dani fed upstairs. He was well dressed and I did not understand why he should make so undignified an exit at the sound of Mama Ayo’s voice.
‘Come in,’ I said
Mama Ayo and her husband came in. we exchanged pleasantries and I offered them seats. They didn’t want a drink or anything. I heard the key click in the lock upstairs. “Mama Ayo spoke next. She was direct and to the point.
‘Is Oga in?’ She asked.
‘No,’ I lied. ‘He’s gone to church. ’
‘We wanted to see him. Because now that he has started sleeping with Ayo, we won’t be pleased if Ayo gets pregnant.’ Bland. Crude. Direct. Shattering.
I didn’t know what to do. I wished I could hide myself twenty feet underground. That the earth under my feet would open and swallow me up. That thunder would strike me dead. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and humiliated all at once. I tried to, but could not speak. It was with difficult that I said the next words to Mama Ayo and her husband.
‘I understand how you feel … we will make arrangements to send Ayo back to you. That will stop Oga from … ’
Already tears were dribbling down my checks. Mama Ayo and her husband quietly withdrew, leaving me to my sorrows. I grew weak and tired, as though a heavy load had been placed on my shoulders. Stuck in my seat. I felt dizzy and dazed. There was no holding back the hot tears. I do not know for how long I stayed like that but finally, I picked myself up and dragged my unwilling feet up the staircase. The door to our bedroom was still locked. I knocked loud.
‘Open the door, you miserable wretch,’ I yelled at the top of my voice. There was no sound from the bedroom. I knocked louder still. ‘Open the door, or I’ll break it myself, you good-for-nothing adulterer. Do you hear me? You shameless, empty gas bag, let me just get my hands on you. ’
The key turned in the lock and I pushed the door open and rushed into the room. Dani was sitting on the bed. I do not remember the look on his face. Because although I looked at him, I did not see him, so blinding was the hate I felt for him at that moment.
‘Why did you run upstairs and lock yourself in?’ I asked.
‘I didn’t run upstairs. I didn’t lock myself in,’ he lied.
‘Liar. You didn’t want to stand face to face with your crime. ’
‘Crime? What crime?’
‘You knew what Mama Ayo and her husband came to tell you, didn’t you?’ ‘How was I to know? How could I know?’
‘Then why didn’t you wait to hear them out?’
‘I didn’t even know they were the ones at the door. So what did they say?’
‘That you’ve been sleeping with Ayo. That if she gets pregnant, they won’t be pleased.’ ‘And did you believe them?’ Dani asked, a hollowness in his voice.
‘Have you been sleeping with Ayo?’
‘No. ’
‘So, Mama Ayo and her husband are lying?’
‘Do you believe them?’
‘Of course. They could not invent such a story. ’
‘You believe them and disbelieve me?’
‘Naturally. You are a born liar. How dare you stand before me to deny what’s so obvious? Why did you flee so guiltily upstairs … you good-for-nothing scab. You call yourself a man and you cannot face your own misdeeds. Now I imagine you will tell me the truth with Ayo standing before you. Because I’m going to get Ayo here right now. ’
And getting out of the room onto the landing I yelled ‘Ayo, Ayo, Ayo.’ There was no answer. I went to the helpers’ quarters where Ayo normally stayed. She was gone. I returned upstairs to look for Dani. He too had slipped out. I heard the car drive out of the garage. I lay back in bed and cried myself to sleep.
I do not know for how long I slept. But I must have slept for a long time. Because when I woke up it was already night. I found a note from Dani saying he was off to London for a week on a business trip.
He stayed away a whole month. During all that time, he telephoned once asking ‘Is everything all right?’ I banged the telephone on him.
At the end of the fourth week, he returned, his hair in jerry coils. At fifty-five, he was wearing jerry coils, like a miserable, cocaine-sniffing West Indian on the crumby streets of Brixton. I took one look at him and the image that came to my mind was of a vulture wearing glass beads. I refused to talk to him, of course. I locked him out of our room and he had to make do with the other bedroom. I made sure his sheets were unwashed for weeks. I did not serve him any of his meals. No punishment I could devise looked bad enough for him. And oh, how I hated to see him in those jerry coils! They made me more vicious.
Then one day I heard a car drive up to our house. I looked out of the window and saw a brand new Mercedes Coupe, in a lovely wine colour. Dani was at the wheel. He got out and walked up to me and dropped the car keys into my palm. “Yours,’ he said simply, nodding towards the car. Well, jerry coils are one thing, but a Mercedes Coupe in wine colour is something else. The milk of human forgiveness welled up in my breast. Dani was always a caring man, you know.
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